Read: 1 Samuel 10
Saul was afraid. Hiding behind the baggage, hesitant to take his place – He may have looked like the perfect king outwardly, but, inwardly, a battle with insecurity and fear of man raged. We would see this desire for man’s approval affect his kingship from the beginning: sacrifices would be given unlawfully, choices made to honor man over God, and the instructions of the Lord often disregarded if they required Saul to offend the people or challenge their desires. Always, a voice inside him echoed his response to Samuel the prophet in chapter nine, “Am I not a Benjamite, from the least of the tribes of Israel? And is not my clan the humblest of all the clans of the tribes of Benjamin (1 Samuel 9:21)?”
The word “least” in chapter nine verse twenty-one is the Hebrew word “qāṭān” and it means “small, young, unimportant and insignificant.” This was Saul’s view of himself and, knowing that this was how he saw himself, it is no surprise that he hid. I would have to. Leadership can be a terrifying and overwhelming responsibility for the insecure.
While many of the people of Israel embraced him as their king, there were also those who despised him and asked, “How can this man save us (verse 27)?” They, like Saul, could not see what God saw. Like him, they questioned the wisdom of God to choose such “small, young, unimportant, and insignificant” man. How could this be the man God saw leadership potential in? In the end, Saul’s opinion of himself and man’s opinion of Saul didn’t matter. He was still the chosen king. He was still anointed to lead. Their opinion didn’t change God’s decision. Saul could see himself as a peasant, act like a peasant, speak like peasant, and respond like a peasant. It wouldn’t change that God had called him a king. Why? Because we are not what we see. We are what He sees.
I may not awake every morning feeling like royalty, but His Word says I am a child of the King (1 John 3:1). I may not see myself as able to complete the task before me, but His Word says I can do all things through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13). I may see “least” where He sees “chosen,” but my view doesn’t change who I am.
Saul’s insecurity destroyed his legacy. It tainted his choices and led to foolish decisions. His need for man’s approval tormented him and, when another arose who threatened to take their approval from him, he became obsessed with ruining him. I read his story and my heart aches. I wish he would have been able to see himself through the eyes of the Father. I wish he would have been able to embrace what God saw in him. History may not be able to be rewritten, but we can stop it from being repeated. In our stories, in our lives – we can make a choice to lean into God’s Word and what He says about us. We can choose to see ourselves through His eyes and stand on the truth of who He says we are. We can decide today to no longer be “led” by our view of ourselves or the way others view us. We can come out from behind the baggage and say once and for all, “Lord, here I am. Place me where you want me. I trust your choosing.”
· Are there things God has called you to do that you have been “hiding from?
· Do you struggle like Saul to see in yourself what God sees in you? If so, why do you think that is?
· Are there people in your life who have not or do not see what God sees in you? How have their words affected your obedience to embrace the call of God on your life?
· Take some time with the Lord and ask Him to reveal to you how He sees you. Write His response below.