In Genesis 2: 18-25, God saw that it wasn’t GOOD (“beneficial, valuable, prosperous, rich”) for mankind to be ALONE (“separated from others, isolated, without aid or support”). God knew that what Adam was lacking in his loneliness was something that would make his life more prosperous and rich. God knew that relationship and connection would add value to Adam’s life and be a benefit to him. So, God created Adam a helpmate, a companion – one like him with which he could build relationship and connection.
And as you leave Genesis and continue to read through scripture, you will find that it is filled with verse after verse about how we are to love one another, how God uses us in one another's lives, and how each of us have a significant and important part to play in the body of Christ. It wasn't just Adam who needed somebody. We were all made for relationship.
But here is what I have discovered: Strong, healthy relationships don't just happen.
They need to be intentionally cultivated.
Two essential ingredients?
Contact and Conversation.
To come in contact with someone is “to touch” or “meet” them. It means to be in “close proximity” to one another. You can’t have a relationship with someone you don’t know.
Deep connections require an intentional investment. Yet, the Sad truth is that too often we attack dieting, our work goals, and our vacation plans with more intentionality than our relationships.
One study found that the average American family spends just 37 minutes a day together in what would be labeled “quality time” while the average American adult spends up to three hours a day on social media.
We say, “I’ll get to it.” But the studies prove…we aren’t getting to it. And our relationships our suffering. We live in a world full of distractions, busy schedules, screens, alarms, calendars, check lists, and commitments – a world that too often pulls us AWAY from connection.
So we must be intentional.
INTENTIONALITY =
done on purpose, measured, deliberate, thought out,
well-planned, premeditated, calculated
Unhurried, Slowed Down
Seeing change in our relationships will require us slowing down and being intentional to make contact with those we want to cultivate deeper connections with.
And not only that...we must also engage them in conversation. It’s in conversation, we get to know one another. The Bible says that “out of the heart, the mouth speaks.” So, if I want to know someone’s heart, I must become a good listener.
Conversation is TWO-WAYS. It requires talking AND listening, giving AND receiving, sharing AND taking.
Not sure where to begin? Start by telling your stories. Start at childhood. What do you remember? Where did you grow up? Studies prove the sharing of stories will deepen connections and stir more conversation. It will also often give us clues as to why our friend/spouse/child/etc. acts a certain way or responds in the manner they do to those particular words or situations. Fight through the awkward and uncomfortable. James 1 tells us to be “Slow to speak and quick to listen…” In our culture, we can’t just hope conversation “happens.” We may have to schedule it in and create margin for it.
Our relationships require it.
And I can promise you - it will be worth it.